Odisseus' Mom

I’ve been dreaming to publish a book written by me. The story itself I believe would be a simple yet interesting one. It could be a story about me, my family, enriched by many occasions, thoughts, conversations, and opinions I have with the environment around me. I wouldn’t really care about how many people would read or buy the book I wrote, silly huh? All I want as a start is only to write a nice and simple story about me and my life.
I asked my husband this evening as we drove home, “Do you think I’m capable and qualified to write a book?”
He answered, “Yes, of course, why not?”
“What you’ve been telling in your blog, according to me, deserve to be published as a book.” he added to my question.
I smiled for having his kind and full-of-believe answer. I hope that he gave me a real objective answer, and I want to believe that he did.
I asked him that question after we stopped by at a book shop this evening on our way home. I was looking for a book of guidance about “How to tell a story” or “How to write your own story”. Luckily, I found a book written by Marion Dan Bauer “What’s Your Story?” in which I think I would get some practical guidances in starting to write my own story and book.
Don’t know about tomorrow, but I want to stick and keep fighting to the idea that I could publish my own story. Please God, help me to complete my dream.

Ya, itulah salah satu alasan utama mengapa aku melanjutkan aktivitas menulis dalam blog ini. Sempat selama kurang lebih setahun lamanya aku meninggalkan aktivitas ini. Hidup dan ritmeku kusibukkan dengan berbagai aktivitas bersama anak, mengurus rumah tangga, dan bekerja. Terlebih saat itu kami baru saja pindah menempati rumah baru. Ketidakadaan pembantu rumah tangga maupun baby sitter yang sebelumnya lebih dari 2 tahun kugunakan jasanya—di mana ketika aku pulang menuntut ilmu di negeri orang, kuputuskan tidak lagi kugunakan jasanya—membuat hari-hariku penuh dengan pelbagai kesibukan umumnya ala ibu rumah tangga.

Boleh kukatakan, masa-masa itu adalah masa “penebusan”ku setelah sekian lama berada jauh dari keluarga. Kuakui, tidak ada yang meminta “penebusan” semacam itu dariku, diriku sendirilah yang menginginkannya demi untuk dapat mereguk kembali waktu-waktuku yang terlewati sebagai seorang ibu, mendekatkan diri kembali pada buah hati kecilku yang belum pernah mengalami berulang tahun bersama Ibundanya selama dua tahun pertama kehidupannya.

Keletihan setelah berkutat dengan semua itu ditambah dengan ketidakadaaan akses internet di rumah baru kami membuatku memiliki tambahan alasan untuk tidak melanjutkan memperbarui blogku. Sempat pula terpikir suatu pikiran egois, bahwa aku sudah cukup puas bisa menikmati semuanya bersama anakku saja, mengganti hari-hari kami berdua yang terlewatkan dan menjadikannya hanya milik kami berdua tanpa perlu membaginya melalui satu kisah pada orang lain.

Namun tidak ada yang pernah dapat menjadi statis untuk selamanya, begitu juga dengan aktivitas menulis dan berkisah di blogku. Keinginan untuk menulis dan kembali aktif di dunia maya telah datang menggelitik kembali sisi hatiku. Kenangan akan masa-masa di mana aku selalu merekam aktivitas dan pertumbuhan anakku dalam blog, sibuk menerbitkan buletin komunikasi muslimah di Belanda via blog, serta menuangkan kegelisahan yang kurasa dalam jalinan kata-kata kembali menggodaku untuk menjadi dan memberi “sesuatu” di dunia maya melalui kisahku.

Ya, aku menulis kembali karena aku gelisah akan banyak hal, tentang apa yang dapat aku berikan untuk terus membimbing anak kami, tentang kapan aku akan memutuskan untuk memberi seorang adik bagi anak pertamaku, tentang harga bahan baker yang meningkat, tentang apa kebaikan yang akan aku wariskan pada anak-anakku kelak, tentang semangat untuk terus berusaha menjadi yang lebih baik, tentang masa depan kami, tentang pertanyaan apakah apakah yang aku usahakan saat ini dapat mencapai satu titik keberhasilan, tentang keinginan untuk terus mandiri, dan seribu satu tentang lainnya. Aku ingin menjadi diriku sendiri dan menerapi diriku untuk membuang banyak kegelisahan melalui jalinan kata.

A long time before Ody was born, my husband and I had a kind of agreement that we'd like our first child to be a boy. As time went by, Alhamdulillah, Allah SWT fulfilled our pray by giving us a cute little boy. And as he grows up, we have been amazed by every thing our little one do, he is now three and a half year and can do much more an adult can do or think.

One of my biggest gratefulness of having him is that he is not only become our little son, in which me and my husband give our care, protection, and love and at the same time he is also able to treat and give us the same thing. For example, a few months ago, when my husband left for a couple of weeks for a job outside Jakarta. As we live in Cimanggis, being lonesome away from friend and relatives sometimes become a matter and of course when my husband needed to do travel for his job it would left the two of us: me and Ody at home. But guess what? Having Ody right at my side never makes me feel lonesome or even a bit afraid at night being "alone". He really can act as a good buddy for his mommy, caring and accompanying me during our time together.

We can do many games or puzzles, watch tv at night to kill our time, coloring picture and make some draws on his little drawing book, went to a mall or bookstore at noon, listen to music from the radio or tv, and share some stories before bedtime. Oh God, I could never imagine that having a little boy could really mean that much, and for a couple of times I would consider that instead of me taking care of him, it is Ody taking care of and accompanying me passing through my hard and lonesome times. Thank God for letting me feel such miracle in life, and please teach me to be a patient and better parents for our children.

In this life, what would you consider as staring at heaven? Well, I guess we’ll have a million of answers as heaven could be defined in many terms depends on our opinion and situation. If I should answer to that question, among other things I really love to do or see, I will have to answer that staring at heaven to me means that I stay at home at night looking at my son’s peaceful and innocent face while he is sleeping. I would never want to end such moment, my hunger for such moment is insatiable and really want to stay forever to enjoy such beautiful view. That is a real heaven for me.